Its Free Time For a Reason
Use it wisely
It was Father’s Day and I was given the day, completely child free. This was a surprise. I’m virtually with my daughter everyday. She and I spent a lot of time together, a lot! Now, I am not a big fan of being celebrated. I don’t like receiving gifts even though I enjoy giving them. Father’s Day for me is not a day to be recognized. Especially since I’m a Father everyday. In addition, there are dads out there that suck (truthfully). So to be celebrated on a day when they too are being celebrated, well, that’s disheartening. Hey, I get it. This all sounds weird and crazy. Well, then, so am I.
My ideal Father’s Day was to spend the Sunday the way she and I spend any other day. Wake up early, have breakfast and go for a walk. Then just figure out the rest of the day. Which most likely consists of playing with play dough, going to the park, running a quick errand and a nap in the early afternoon for my daughter. And more play up until dinner time.
However, I did not know what to do with myself. My wife left with our daughter and I did not know for how long. Should I watch a movie at home? Afterall, I have an entire list and I don’t get to watch much TV. No, I’ll do yard work. Should I take a nap? No, that’s a waste of time. I’ll go to the store and get some things for the week ahead. I’ll do some research, yes, that’s it. No… I really should do laundry.
Then it hit me. As parents, we don’t know how to use free time, the right way. We want to use or feel obligated to use our free time for others.
As it happens, I was child free for 6-7 hours. This is like spotting a unicorn! It was an internal fight to figure out what to do. Yet, the point of free time is to use it, freely, the way I want. To use the time I am given in a way that suits me and makes me happy. Right here was a lesson for me and one for you, if you’re a parent.
Stillness is the key. Sure, it is helpful and nice to get ahead for the week, or do laundry, or cut the grass. But these things happen all the time. Why not take the day given and use it, for me. Stillness is important because it’s about returning to yourself. Being centered. Clearing your mind of all the daily and weekly obligations of work, life and family. How many others parents are going through this? Truthfully, almost all active parents go through this. Typically, this dichotomy falls on moms. However, in our home, roles are not gender specific. At home, roles are not held by societal norms. As a father, I am overly active and present in the life of our daughter. I won’t have it any other way.
Moments of stillness are about letting go. About resting your mind and body from the constant work we face. These moments, whether 6 hours in one day or an hour per week are important so that we parents can be our best for those that need and rely on us. So what did I do on my free day? I went to a park and I read. I stopped to get a coffee and read some more. Exciting I know!
I’m grateful I had the time to myself, which I love having time alone. This another reason why when parents are given free time they don’t know how to spend it alone. They prefer to avoid alone time and make it all about the family. No. Free time, is for you. To spend how you want. So parent this message and blog is for you. Whether you’re a mom or dad, use the free time you have wisely. Regardless if it’s given to you as a gift or if you carve it out for yourself each day or week. It’s for you. Use it responsibly.
You should not feel any guilt or shame for putting yourself first. Or for having/using free time. You give your spouse and family so much of you. Who is doing that for you? It requires stillness to get back to you. It also requires a degree of selfishness to get there. And to be selfish is an additional dichotomy faced by active/present parents.
Thought Provoking Questions : How do you spend free time now? What can you do to use your free time more wisely and solely for you? How can you be selfish with yourself to be better for your family?
Dan Roman is a Husband, Father, and writer that releases a daily blog. A quick read. Sharing wisdom and asking thought-provoking questions.
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