Interview, Don't Interrogate
That other person, sitting across or next to you is not your enemy. Someone on your team made a costly mistake. Your partner wronged you in some way. Your child just did something you don’t agree with.
Don’t interrogate them. Instead, interview them. There is a difference between the two. When you interview, you ask open ended questions to gain more. Clarity, information, understanding, just to list a few. When you interrogate, it has a level of aggression that interviewing does not have. Moreover, when you interrogate, it’s because you’ve already discovered the truth, and you want to confirm it with the other person. To interrogate is to verify information you already have. Interrogation is confrontational. Interviewing is open minded, gentle and with a curious underbelly.
Which do you think will give you more?
Someone on your team made a costly mistake. Well, by interviewing you can learn what happened and what to avoid next time. The cost of that mistake is the price paid for the spontaneous training the mistake required. By interrogating your team members, you alienate them. Furthermore, you take away their confidence to do their job.
Your partner wronged you in some way. Well, when you interview them, you show them that you care and respect them. But, you also want truth. You display your ability to stay calm and rational. So when there is a next time, they’ll trust to tell you based on how you handled things in the past. Conversely, if you interrogate, you make an ugly situation worse. You show a lack of care and respect and you display that the only thing that matters to you, is yourself. Interrogation does not consider the other person.
Your child just did something you don’t agree with. Interrogating them will destroy the trust you have in them and they in you. Kids will do some silly and dumb things. It’s part of growing up and learning. And since we parents are raising adults, not children, it’s our duty to teach them. This is where interviewing comes in. With the right questions asked the right way, you can guide the conversation. Often times, allowing your kid to answer in the way you desire, so that you can teach the lesson you’re aiming to teach.
When emotions are tied to it, interviewing is hard. Interrogation is easy. Fight that urge. Take a step back. Wait it out. And remember, the benefits gained by interviewing. And the disadvantages to interrogating.
What are your thoughts on this blog? Comment below…
Thought Provoking Questions : Where are you creating illusions for the outside world? Do they matter? How can you change your approach so you don’t care what others think?
Daily I write and release a daily meditation. A quick read. Sharing wisdom and asking thought-provoking questions. Influenced by the obstacles, success and failures in my life and of others. Using history, books, current events, philosophy, and ancient wisdom. These writings are actionable, thought-provoking, designed to make your life better.
These writings are not to push a way of thinking on the reader or to force you into a certain philosophy or methodology. Rather to give you practical and real ways to handle life. This is an added tool. My writing is simply a discussion, a discourse, with all the material I read, watch, hear and consume.