We cannot expect to be brave or courageous without the presence of fear. There’s scary and fear. To be scared, it’s something that happens in the moment. Recently, my daughter played in an indoor playground. In a flash I saw her and then I didn't. My fear was that someone had took her. I ran over and I could not find her. I stopped, took a breath and told myself, “I just saw her. Walk around the playground.” And so, I did. And there she was, sitting with another girl, holding hands inside of a cylinder that would have prevented me from seeing here from where I was.
I was scared I did not find her. My fear is that someone, somewhere will take her from me. Luring her away with a toy or a piece of candy. My fear takes me to extreme examples of what could happen even after I found her. These are the effects of the world we live in today. The fear is cultivated by social media, the news and the constant evils thrown in our direction.
Scary is in the moment. Fear is long lasting. Scary is a feeling. Fear is a state of mind. Being scared gives you a jolt. You become energized, focused and determined. We’ve seen parents have a scary moment and are able to lift a car or demonstrate another form of super-human strength. Fear on the other hand, paralyzes. It keeps us stuck.
Use the fear. To overcome fear the best thing is to be prepared. In the example I explained above of my daughter, my preparation starts with not losing visual of my daughter. Too often, all I see are parents on their phones. As if what you see there is more important. Additionally, having regular conversations with my daughter, who is 3 about "stranger danger.” Also, training myself that the worst thing that can happen is not the only thing that will.
Furthermore, I don’t watch or read the news. On social media I don’t engage with any news that comes off as tragic or terrible. When someone sends me a post and I can see what it’s about, I instruct the person to never send me these. Programming my life and those around me to avoid news of children being kidnapped, killed and dismembered. How does any of this help me anyway? It doesn’t.
What about you? The job interview. Your first paid client. Asking the person you like out on a date. The presentation in front of your whole company. The new job starts on Monday. The promotion. The exam for your real estate license, CPA or LSAT. Fear keeps us stuck and so we do not pursue anything or think we can. Fear does not allow us to think clearly. So, we don’t. We give up before even trying. How do you overcome fear? By using it.
Preparation. That is how. In preparing you gather facts. As Dr. John Delony says, “facts are your friends.” What is true and what is untrue. Doing your research on something to determine what it actually is, not what your fear is making your believe to be true. The fear of losing all your money in the stock market is understandable. The facts are the stock market performs badly at times and better over a period of time. Fact finding will show you graphs and historical data. So when a recession hits or a big market crash, you have the facts. You are no longer afraid. You have the patience needed so that when the stock market recovers, you’ll be more than okay.
I read about Astronaut John Glenn, the first American to circle the earth in space. His heart rate never went above 100 beats per minute the entire mission. That’s preparation. The astronauts are so prepared through rigorous training, that even while in space it feels like just another practice run.
Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield once said,
“It’s not like astronauts are braver than other people, we’re just, you know, meticulously prepared”
Preparation will eliminate many of the influences of fear. Someone is terminally ill, start thinking of their death. You lose your job, it would be helpful to have an emergency fund to cover 6-8 months of your expenses. Start saving now. Upon your death, prepare by having a will that clearly explains what happens to your home, money, car, and children.
We suffer more from imagination than in reality. We suffer more by thinking of a problem that hasn’t happened yet.
As Jay Shetty wrote in his book Think Like a Monk, use the SPOT, STOP, SWAP technique.
Spot the fear and dig for it’s root. Stop thinking of the fear itself. Swap that out for something, anything more productive. Preparation. Information. A friend. A positive thought. A walk to clear your head. A nap. Music to dance to. The thing to get you out of that negative place. The place of fear.
Thought Provoking Question 1 : What is your fear?
Thought Provoking Question 2 :Is it real or imagined?
Thought Provoking Question 3 :How can you prepare?
Dan Roman is a Husband, Father, and writer that releases a daily blog. A quick read on sharing wisdom and asking though-provoking questions.
What are your thoughts on this piece? Comment below…