How To Be A Great Dad
Get celebrated everyday
Dads come in many shapes and sizes. Adopted, biological, step, foster, or the man that was or is nothing to you but accepts you under his wing. A father figure, a role model. Maybe you had one of these in your life. Or you didn’t and this shaped you to be the kind of father and man you are today. Today, Fathers Day, let’s talk about what it takes to be a great dad. And to celebrate you for being one. Thank you to all the great dads out there. You’re part of an exclusive brotherhood.
“There are many kinds of success in life worth having. It is exceedingly interesting and attractive to be a successful businessman, or railway man or farmer, or a successful lawyer or doctor; or a writer, or a President, or a ranchman, or the colonel of a fighting regiment, or to kill grizzly bears and lions. But for unflagging interest and enjoyment, a household of children, if things go reasonably well, certainly makes all of other forms of success and achievement lose their importance by comparison.” - Theodore Roosevelt
I love you - This creates an attachment to your children. Furthermore this is a great way. A child should hear this from their dad. Moreover, a dad should be comfortable and confident to say so. Saying this to your kids often will give them a strong self-esteem and the relationship you can create now with them ends up creating a positive adult relationship with your children. Actions speak louder than words but they still need to hear it.
Rituals - Maybe your kids shave with you or they put on a tie just like you do when you get ready for work or an event. Tacos on Tuesday. Pancakes for dinner on Mondays. Pizza every Saturday night followed by games. Going to the barbershop with your kids. Rituals are adored by kids and having one gives them something to look forward to. It provides a structure. That with time, your kid will remind you of. Plus, it makes parenting easier, avoiding the unpredictability of winging it each day. Imagine, your kid is ten years old and says, “my dad always ______________.” That’s cool.
Admit fault - When you lose your cool or you make a mistake dads, own up to it. Explain it to your kids as best you can and apologize. This is a valuable lesson for both sides. Dad you’re not perfect and your kid can see that. It’s great to humble yourself and work on getting better.
I’m sorry.
Kids forgive, quickly. It doesn’t take much as a dad. Just don’t repeat the error.
Acceptance - Dads, so what if your son wants to paint his nails. You wouldn’t mind if you daughter wanted to “pretend shave” with you. If they hate the sport you love. If they don’t like that movie. If your kid hates pizza but you love it. Accept them and their choices. You may want your kid to be a doctor or star athlete. Naturally, we dads want the best for our kids. However, if they become something that goes against our vision, which will happen, what will you do? Accept. Approve. Support. Nod your head, smile, and show up for them.
Love Mom - Parenting is hard and oftentimes parents forget about each other. Life is simply spent taking care of the house and the kids. Life is work and stuff. Show your kids you love their mom. Whether together or not. The demonstration of that is a great way to show your kids how to treat their future partner and other people.
Time for yourself - Whatever it is you like to do. Fish. Golf. Hunt. Go for a bike ride or a walk. Do the things you enjoy at regular intervals. It takes you away from life for a bit. It’s a vacation of your weekly lives. It’s an hour a day or per week that is just for you. Read. Meditate. It’s about improving you, your quality of life as often as you can. This allows you to be a better dad.
Acknowledge your effort - Moms often have the reputation that they just know how to be a mom. Meanwhile, dads are just waiting for direction. Often, society paints dads as a lost puppy. Great dads just figure it out, like moms do. Great dads simply try and learn, just like moms do.
It takes a village - Dad you are not alone. There have been dads before that have gone through the same or similar thing. Babies have been born since the start of time. It took help then and it takes help now. Ask for it dad. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes your courageous. Maybe it’s other dads you go to or family. Regardless, dads, just like moms can’t do it all. We all need a hand and that’s a good thing.
You’re their teacher - Robert Fulghum said, “don’t worry that your children never listen, worry that they are always watching you.” Dads, everything you do and say is getting picked up. This is the best way to shape your kids the way you want them to be as an adult. Often, people say it’s raising kids. Wrong! It’s about raising adults. It starts now! Giving to someone in need. Treating other people well. You set the example for your kids. They will follow your example, not your advice, as Charles Kettering said.
Get Better - Great dads never stop learning and surround themselves with ways to be a better dad. You might have not picked up a book since you finished school or learned anything new. As a dad however, this is not sound advice. You must constantly improve. Read about challenges you’re having in fatherhood. Watch videos or listen to podcasts on fatherhood. Turn off the game or video game. Spend some time getting better, each day. As educator Reed Markham said, “being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.”
Be a kid - play with your kids. It’s a simple task. Get to their level and play. In the sandbox. On the floor. Not only when it’s convenient. But, when you’re tired or burnt out. Play with your kids. It doesn’t matter if they want to trash the living room with toys. The toy they want dads, is you. You are the toy. Be with them in spirit and imagination. Be a kid. It reduces stress and your kids have fun. Sounds like a win-win.
Love, unconditionally - Dad you will disappoint them and they you. Kids aren’t rocks. They’re human and so have human experiences. Love for who they are not what they do. This can be different for all dads. It may mean forgiving them instantly for saying a bad word or scratching the car. Kids should not feel that your love is earned or has to go through an obstacle course. They must know early and often that you love them. Loving without strings. Loving them if they tell you they’re gay. Loving them if they drop out of college. Loving them if they don’t want to go to college. Loving them when they want to dye their hair green or wear nothing but black clothing.
Get to work - This is two-fold. First, it’s about providing a stable home for your kids. One filled with food, warmth and safety. Second, it’s about showing your kids that work is needed. Not just for the money, but for the fulfillment of doing something meaningful. So kids know where money comes from, work. So kids learn that life requires it. Not just for survival. Also for oneself. We are designed to work, to contribute and to help others in some way.
Be where you are - presence at all times. There is nothing better to give your kids. In good moments or bad. When you are stressed about work or other life events. Being present with your kids will help you dad and them. It removes you from all the other stuff and forces you to focus on the little one. Furthermore and most important it’s about building a bond with your kid. Recently, a friend of mine learned that he will be a dad. This was completely unexpected and he was certainly worried. My advice to him was exactly this. Be where you are. Be present. For him, it’s about focusing on the thing he is doing. If that is at work or the gym. Or being with his partner. That is the job or being a dad. Regardless if you have 3 kids or your first on the way. Presence.
Thought Provoking Questions : Dad, what will make you better today?
Dan Roman is a Husband, Father, and writer that releases a daily blog. A quick read. Sharing wisdom and asking thought-provoking questions.
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