Handling Conflict
We are what we repeatedly do
You don’t wake up ready to take on the conflicts of each day. In fact, It’s not something you look forward to. The variety of conflicts one faces can be annoying and well, tiring. Nonetheless, how we do anything speaks to how we do everything.
Many of us don’t have the proper training to handle conflict. Your spouse disrespecting you. A friend who is upset. Your sibling that you’ve avoided for 3 years. Or your parents that you have remained distant from due to something they did or said. The school your child goes to is not handling the bullying situation. Or Heather, from the accounting department continues to take your lunch from the shared refrigerator.
Robert Greene in his book The Daily laws writes:
“Understand if boldness is not natural, neither is timidity. It is an acquired habit, picked up out of a desire to avoid conflict.”
The ability to be bold, blunt, or direct is due to all the practice you’ve had doing so. Over time you can grow stronger in your ability to step into conflict with the same calm as you would an agreement. It’s habit training, just like any other trait we wish to have or build up. On the contrary, being timid or not wanting to ruffle any feathers, is due to a life of avoiding the conflict. Regardless of how big or small. It may have started earlier in life when a kid took your toy and you let it go. Or your parents did or said something and you never addressed it. Your spouse may have insulting comments and you go years without addressing them. Or the spouse that jokes with you, but really he’s joking at you. He doesn’t realize his jokes aren’t funny and are quite insulting.
You may be saying to yourself that you desire to stand up for yourself more. That you wish you had confidence in yourself to right a wrong, correct an injustice, and grow stronger in that ability. Well, it takes practice. In order for the muscle to grow you have to put it through training. The same kind of training we give when we want to learn a language, or training of the body to get in shape. Stepping into conflict will be painful. However, with time your timidity will turn into boldness. This is not about picking fights with people at every turn. This is to ensure that you are prepared to do what is right inside of conflict. Being timid might be that you want to avoid conflict and that is fine. But, at some point, you will have enough. And you might have an outburst. Boldness is best practiced step by step, situation by situation. So that you don’t have an outburst. Rather, a calculated approach to conflict that gives you the result you seek.
Thought Provoking Question 1 : How can boldness over being timid help you?
Dan Roman is a Husband, Father, and writer that releases a daily blog. A quick read on sharing wisdom and asking though-provoking questions.
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