Defining Self-Control
June 20, 2025
Min Jin Lee, best-selling author has a very clear way to define self-control that I agree with: "I heard in a sermon once that the definition of self-control was to choose the important over the urgent." This from "Free Food for Millionaires."
Often we think or we're told that self-control is saying no to certain things or only doing what aligns with the goal. We think its about taming ourselves. Urgency is in the moment while the important likes longer. Urgency could be a craving or impulse. The important has purpose and meaning.
It is more than just controlling temptation. Self-control i s about giving us a chance. Urgent is based on emotion I believe, while the important based on fact. We can justify anything to be urgent, yet when examined, delay will often erase such urgency.
We might think the notifications are urgent. Or having a response to someone who judges us. Slumber or lust might feel urgent. But these take us away from the important.
I agree with Lee's definition because I find it to be a great filter and conduit, leading to self-discipline. If self-control is the act of staying in line with what is important, self-discipline kicks in after so that we have a consistency plan. Especially when things get hard, or they suck, or results don't come in the way we want.
Self-control is the light on the dashboard telling us to get gas. Its a notification on what is important, so we do not end up stranded and it becomes urgent. A metaphor I can stand behind. Self-control is a reminder. It's supporting the life you want for yourself. Self-control isn't just saying no, its saying yes to what you value, by saying no to what you don't. By saying no, we get the benefit of doing what we say yes to, better.