Seamlessly, you offer the bribe. Everything stops. You think the bribe is being considered. Hope is near. The moment of surrender you’ve hoped for. If you can get out of this situation, how bad could it be to offer such bribe? It’s not a character flaw. At times, it’s survival. Forcing the moment to go by.
The bribe gets turned down or ignored. They have a conscious or maybe they’re just stubborn, difficult even. You follow it up with a threat. Now you have their attention. Regardless, in that moment when you feel you’re taking control, you realize you have none.
Who am I? Offering a bribe? Making a threat? Is this who I want to be?
This defining moment as a parent.
Our children on the receiving end of our bribes and threats. These come when we, the parents, really want them to do something. Or not do something. Is this the right approach?
If you’ve ever questioned or regretted making the threat or offering a bribe, than no. It’s not the right approach.
What is? Presence.
As a dad I find that I’ve resorted to bribes and threats around bed time. That is why this blog post exists today. To remind me that the bribe and threat doesn’t work. Taking away her dresses or toys or favorite stuffed animal does not help. It hurts. It causes tension. All my child needs and wants is my presence. So she can peacefully and comfortably fall asleep.
Don’t be so rigid. So strict. So stuck on time. Bribes and threats are not the way to parent. You spend too much time ensuring it works, when instead, you could spend that time being present. I’ve learned that is all children actually desire. And need. Most of the time.
Thought Provoking Question 1 : What way can you be more present with your children today?
Dan Roman is a Husband, Father, and writer that releases a daily blog. A quick read on sharing wisdom and asking though-provoking questions.
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