Avoid First Impressions
As the saying goes, first impressions are lasting ones. The reason this exists is we place too much emphasis on that first impression. Well this should be avoided.
Think about all the first impressions that come to us. More often, these are created by our minds. A way of predicting what is to come. Which we know is a pointless exercise. We can forecast future behavior based on past behavior. However, much like a weather forecast, you can be wrong.
When your kid gives you a fight at bed time, your first impression might be frustration. You’ll say to yourself, I have to work tomorrow. This needs to stop or I’ll be exhausted and I have that presentation tomorrow.
When your examination at the doctors requires a specialist. So then you start to worry, thinking about cancer.
When the person next to you is coughing and all you can think of is not getting sick. I can’t afford to get sick right now. What’s wrong with this person? I need to move.
“Don’t let your imagination be crushed by life as a whole. Don’t try to picture everything bad that could possibly happen. Stick with the situation at hand, and ask ‘why is this so unbearable? Why can’t I endure it?’ You’ll be embarrassed to answer."
Marcus Aurelius - Roman Emperor
In other words, just let the situation be that situation. Your kid is sick, your doctor wants more testing, the person next to you has a cough. No need to create a story line that isn’t there. You do this all the time. Traffic ruins your day, because you let it. The line to pick up your coffee is moving slowly, so you say to yourself this is not my day. Here you go, creating a false reality in your head that you ultimately act out for the remainder of the day, because your first impression set it all up.
Epictetus says;
“Don’t let the force of an impression when it first hits you knock you off your feet; just say to it, ‘hold on a moment; let me see who you are and what you represent. Let me put you to the test.’ “
Your colleague is having a bad day. Your spouse annoys you. Your kid is crying and screaming. Avoid the initial rush of thoughts and let the moment just be the moment. When you allow your first impressions to take over, it quite literally ruins your day. It isn’t helpful.
This applies to negative impressions and positive ones.
Your first date goes well, that doesn’t mean he’s a keeper. You have one good marriage counseling session, that doesn’t mean all is fixed. You find a $20 bill on the floor, that’s not luck. The job interview went well, that doesn’t mean you’ll get the job or that person you interviewed will be a great employee. You had a great presentation, that doesn’t mean you’re going to get the client to sign.
By avoiding first impressions you sit with the task at hand, without heightened emotions. There is no need for you to go past the initial event. Focus on what’s in front of you. The job. Whether that is helping your child through a touch moment with grace and patience, or giving a presentation with pose and confidence.
The situation is just that. No need to make it something it isn’t.
Thought Provoking Questions : Is ‘it’ so bad that it’s unbearable? Are you not able to handle the situation?
Dan Roman is a Husband, Father, and writer that releases a daily blog. A quick read. Sharing wisdom and asking thought-provoking questions.
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