Are you a parent or a person with a child?
June 16, 2025
It isn't enough to just have a kid. "Procreating is biological. Parenting is psychological," a sentence written by Ryan Holiday and yesterday's quote. Simply creating a human does not make a parent. In fact, there are more pro-creators than parents. Those numbers are slowing down, as men become more involved in parenting.
Some parents do the minimum possible, going down a list of to-dos, just to keep a child alive and safe. Perhaps because that is all they know or all they want to do. the minimum is not parenting, you can expect that from babysitter. Giving the kids food, clean clothes or a ride here or there, is not parenting.
What parenting is, and I'll focus on fathers here as I am one, is a choice we make. A daily commitment and sacrifice - not for our children, for ourselves. The benefactors are our children. Daily, fathers are increasingly more present - not just physically, also emotionally. The stakes have changed and so has being a father. To love. Nurture. Support. Teach. Serve. Tough decisions.
The choice and sacrifice to make these little humans the driving motivator of your life. They are the nucleus. Parenting the right way should change you. Parenting the right way should be hard.
A person who has a kid does enough to keep themselves in control, demanding the respect of a child. A parent does not care about control, instead about mutual respect. A person with kids lets the tv stay on around the clock so they aren’t bothered. A parent knows that actively playing with children is better for them. In fact, the parent is the toy the child wants most. A parent sets the child up with principles, values and virtues that help shape them into good humans while a person with kids wants perfect little robots.
A parent stays up at night for yelling at the child, while a person with a child may not. Parenting is about being fully invested in all aspects of the child and taking it personal. Its having good and bad days and waking up again to try again. A person with kids does not have that kind of introspection. A parent holds their child’s hand at 2 am when they have to pee, while a person with a child finds this to be an inconvenience. A parent puts their phone down while a person with a child gets annoyed at the constant need of attention from their child.
Are you a person with a child or a parent?